Fantastic Four, WTF

May 11, 2008 on 2:47 pm | In Television, Weak Attempt |

I’ll admit it: I liked the two recent Fantastic Four movies. If there was ever a film series that translated the feeling of the over-the-top 60’s-70’s comic book the best, Fantastic Four films would be the best of the lot. Overblown dialogue, stupid humor, impossible action, it’s all there. Now, I never saw either in the theaters and bought both DVDs sight unseen used for less than market price so that the creators didn’t receive a dime off me, but I like to think my psychic support reached them at some point.

There is something to be said, though, about the Fantastic Four cartoon from 1994. As far as cartoons go, it’s rather unremarkable. Guest spots from Marvel heroes, celebrity voices, fighting and whatnot; in short, it was very much like the X-men, Iron Man and Spider-Man cartoons of the day. Except it had a theme song that was remarkably dumb.

On an outer space adventure
They got hit by cosmic rays
And the four were changed forever
In some most fantastic ways

No need to fear they’re here
Just call the Four
Fantastic Four
Don’t need no more (that’s ungrammatical)

Reed Richards is elastic
Sue can fade from sight
Johnny is the Human Torch
The Thing just loves to fight

Call the four
Fantastic Four
Fantastic Four

It’s the “ungrammatical” line that sticks in my craw. Yes, that line was included in the theme song. The singer actually takes valuable breath and points out that the writers of the theme didn’t know English.

But to top that off, the first stanza of the lyrics also contains “ungrammatical” elements as well:

1) They got hit by cosmic rays should be “They were hit by cosmic rays”
2) In some most fantastic ways is just a mess with the word “some” there, and could be easily changed to “In the most fantastic ways” without losing the meaning of the sentence.

Also, the claim that they do not need anymore than themselves is false. The number of heroic guest stars in the show proves that.

While much has been made of the “ungrammatical” line, which is weird in and of itself, not much has been said about the closing credits theme, which I’m sure elicited a few red faces around the writer’s room.

There’s Galactus looking hungry
And ol’ Doctor Doom is near
Here come the Skrulls invading
Do you run and hide in fear?

No way, no way, no way
Just call the Four
Fantastic Four
That’s all, no more (now that’s grammatical)

Reed Richards is elastic
Sue can fade from sight
Johnny is the Human Torch
The Thing just loves to fight
Call the four
Fantastic Four
Fantastic Four

“That’s all, no more” is probably indicative of the need to rhyme, rather than anything else. Plus they threw in the other “grammatical” for no reason other than, well, it was sort of in the opening theme. The part about the villains just reads like a Dukes of Hazzard re-cap, like “Looks like ol’ Boss Hawg has some plans for that Gatorade”. Whatever.

The entire series is out on DVD, if you choose to purchase it.