A group of people actually put together a Last Starfighter musical. You know Last Starfighter, right? The movie from the 80’s where a guy gets so good at playing Space Invaders that he’s recruited to actually fight aliens in space? I understand most of you weren’t born in 1983, but this was an important film, a film so powerful that a 3-year old Ethan Kaye launched an entire bucket of popcorn into the air while watching it.
Oh, but those memories are for my therapist. This is all about the music. The music for the play based on the movie where a kid plays a video game. Supposedly, and this is from a friend who has seen it, it follows the plot of Last Starfighter fairly well. Sadly, the special effects are such that when the lead character is flying his spaceship, it’s really just an overturned picnic table. Theatergoers may ask themselves if this is symbolism for something, the critical among us just assume that a picnic table is cheaper than a larger set.
There are songs in this musical. That’s the funny thing about musicals, that they have songs. This one follows the classic formula of a show with a crazy plot but then giving the songs ultra-tame names, like “A Place Like This,” or “Love is Like Water.” This is standard in musicals. As much as you’d like the cast of Pippin to break into a song like “I Want to Kill the Last Buffalo on Earth and then Praise the Horned God,” they’re still going to sing stuff like “Corner of the Sky.” Point is, musicals don’t often go out on limbs for song titles, and Last Stargfighter is no exception.
Oh, but it does have a tune called “Zandozan!” I didn’t add the exclamation point for emphasis, that’s in the actual title.
I can’t necessarily make fun of this musical, since I haven’t seen it, although according to my friend Mike, it’s remarkably bad. Still, if someone tells you, “Hey, we’re going to see a musical based on The Last Starfighter,” you’re not going into it expecting Beckett.
Yes, drama club kids. This is what you have in store if you move to New York City after high school.
But wait, I can’t leave you hanging, dear readers! You want to listen to this masterpiece for yourselves! Well, if you don’t want to go as far as buying the soundtrack (which exists), you can listen to a few cuts here, including severely nasal arias and a song about a trailer park. You’re welcome, America.
The new Dark Knight trailer. You can see a little bit of Harvey Dent’s Two Face in the clip where he’s holding the gun up by his head. Very much enjoying it, although I’m a little less impressed by the Joker performance in this one. Will I be seeing this on opening weekend? Oh yeah.
Bad News
Can you believe it’s illegal for me to own a pet scorpion in New York City? I looked into it because, well, I want one of the things. They’re weird, they’re low maintenance, and they fit within a 12″ x 24″ area of your apartment. Plus I have this awesome scheme where I set up the scorpion tank and then add a dollar store naitivity scene for it to walk around in.
Thing is, they’re on a list of animals you’re not allowed to keep in New York, a list that includes monkeys (suck it, Friends!), ducks (again, suck it, Friends!), rhea, serval, cape hunting dog, zorille, binturong, golden/common/black & white tegu, hutia, hyrax, and all insectivorous mammals including aardvark, anteater, shrew, otter shrew, gymnure, desman, and tenrec. Swear to God, it’s in the NY Health code. I could be facing a $250-$500 fine for keeping one of the little arachnids in my home. Of course, I can’t buy one in New York anyway, I’d have to bring it in from PA or something, so the process of obtaining it would be prohibitive.
The holiday of holidays! The day when the various comic publishers from around the nation select one of their books to give away to comic fans. It’s a double-edged sword: if your story’s good and can be understood in one issue, you’re a hit; if your story can only be told through 90 serialized issues of greyscale panels with no copy, like I read today, you’re not going to gain any new readers.
However, no fear citizens, Ethan Kaye is going to let you know about THE comic you need to track down for this Free Comic Day. Your store probably has copies left over, so ask for this one by name, I guarantee you’ll love it.
Gumby
Yes, I said Gumby. This comic surprised the HELL out of me because it was such an intelligent, well-written story with really compelling (and humorous) art. I laughed out loud and I’m going to have to track the other issues of this series down.
Why is it my #1 choice for Free Comic Day comics? Well, you don’t expect a comic this good from 1)Free Comic Day and 2)Gumby. It’s a parody of Heart of Darkness/Apocalypse Now, where Gumby travels inside his own body to track down a computer worm he picked up while netsurfing. It even has the Dennis Hopper character jabbering about how awesome the worm is, and the requisite “The Horror…The Horror…”
PLUS it has a great Freudian thing where Gumby gets to his heart and sees an image of his girlfriend looking at it - but she ends up being his mom when he turns around!
PLUS Gumby’s addiction/habit of eating crayons is addressed, showing that Gumby has a real problem doing so because the grip of the crayons is so strong. Drugs, kids. Don’t do them.
PLUS Pokey crawls through Gumby’s ass to meet him in his stomach, and I swear to God that this actually happens. You NEED to read this book, my mind is totally blown.
So thank you very much, Gumby writers Mike Hersh and Bob Burden. Your book is excellent, and I really, really recommend this to all readers!
The Gamera movies are a staple of Japanese cinema. This giant turtle kicked a lot of monster ass in his time and befriended many children. He is also full of turtle meat. He also flies and shoots fire out of his mouth and sparks out of his legs. He is a turtle that prefers to walk on his hind legs. And he has a bizarre theme song, sung by schoolchildren (at least in Gamera vs. Guiron). I’ve heard that Japan is the country of the future, so I hope you like this music, folks, because this is what we’re destined to listen to for years to come.
What follows is the actual translation of the Gamera theme song.
LYRICS and TRANSLATIONS for GAMERA’S THEME SONGS
Lyrics by Hideo Nakata; music by Kenjiro Hirose.
Sung by Daiei-Jidoh-Gasshodan (Daiei Children’s Chorus).
Title: GAMERA MARCH
Gamera, Gamera
So cool, Gamera! So cool, Gamera! So cool, Gamera!
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday
Shadow the Sun, Evil’s Rainbow
Frozen monster, Dare to march!
Jumped, Flew. Go! Go! Go!
Destroy with Jet Flame. Here goes Gamera!
So cool, Gamera! So cool, Gamera! So cool, Gamera!
Gamera, Gamera
Hold out, Gamera! Hold out, Gamera! Hold out, Gamera!
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday
Overcome the moonlight, Super Sonic
Monster Mach, Come Anytime!
Burning Bright. Go! Go! Go!
Bite hard and blown away
Hold out, Gamera! Hold out, Gamera! Hold out, Gamera!
Gamera Gamera
So strong, Gamera! So strong, Gamera! So strong, Gamera!
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday
Mars, Venus, any other Stars
Come Monsters from the Universe!
Stabbed, Shoved. Go! Go! Go!
Tackled with circling jet
So strong, Gamera! So strong, Gamera! So strong, Gamera!
What can we learn from this song?
- Gamera does not work on Saturdays
- Japanese kids’ songs can get away with using the word “stabbed”
- Mars and Venus are considered stars
- Gamera is both strong and cool but still needs encouragement to hold out
- Gamera is welcome anytime
- The Japanese take coolness cues from giant turtles that shoot fire
- Shadow the Sun is a really deep statement
- “Evil’s Rainbow” actually comes from a Gamera movie where the monster shot a deadly rainbow out of its back
- The Japanese are f—ing insane
