Diggin’ for Mummies - a Found Tape of Chicago Comicon 1995

June 17, 2008 on 4:03 am | In Comic Cons, Comics, Weak Attempt |

Oh. My. God.

Recently, a DVD was passed to me of the 1995 Chicago Comicon. And all I can say is Oh. My. God.

Well, that’s not entirely true, I’m a snarky mofo so I actually have lots to say, but it really is a mind-boggling blast from the past that SHOULD NOT BE. All copies of this should have been lost in a fire or something, but were not. Alas, there was no fire.

The DVD is interviews of the various creators at the con, hosted by Larry, played by this man:

and Victor, played by this man and a Muppet clinging to the back of his neck:

The DVD begins with a bang, as Larry preps us for the ride of BALLSTOTHEWALLINTERVIEWEXCITEMENT with the writer of The Hulk and “The Aquaman”, Peter David. He tells us that things were so crazy at this con they couldn’t talk to Mr. David until 2:15 in the morning, but something tells me that Larry’s lying and he got caught up in an extended game of Magic: The Gathering in his hotel room. Peter is still perky for 2:15 in the morning, but the person accompanying him (his wife, I suspect) was definitely not. You can see her draped on the piano to the right, as Larry drinks something.

Peter explains to his fans that Aquaman is not getting his hand back.

Larry then sits down with then-Catwoman artist Jim Balent. Sadly, Jim does not have a table, despite being on a hot book and having done a cover for Wizard recently (as shown behind him).

Larry puts his pants to the test as he actually bends his knees and sits with Jim, holding what appears to be a box of Kleenex under his arm throughout the interview. Whoah there, tiger! Catwoman might be hot and all, but at least wait until you get back to the hotel room!

And face front, true believers! There’ll be no staring at Phil Phoglio’s massive erection!

Tom Defalco’s next on the chopping block for Larry and his massive head, as he asks Tom what changes he would make if he was writing Spider-Man.

Happily, Tom shoves it in his face like a piece of wedding cake, as he tells Larry that he is, in fact, writing Spider-Man, and that Larry should have probably known that. “NO SOUP FOR YOU,” says Tom, and for Larry, that’s a major loss.

And stop that, XO Manowar! I already made the boner joke with Phil Phoglio!

I must apologize if there are people who really wanted to see more of Victor and his hair. He didn’t do as many interviews as Larry, and honestly? I didn’t want to sit through the entire ElfQuest interview. If you really want to know what happened, I can go back and look at the footage, but really, nothing’s really exciting with ElfQuest.

But if it’s excitement you want, there’s always the luscious lady of the night, Catwoman, who Larry interviews from an extremely short distance while wearing an unflattering T-shirt.

Larry, the expert in Freudian slips, manages to weave in the words and phrases “support,” “strong men,” “perverted,” “thing upcoming,” “hard,” and “what does the spread look like,” while staring alternately at her breasts and his own crotch. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what Dick Cavett wishes he was doing. And yes, he manages to get his arm around her no less than three times during the interview!

Things got even more off-track in the Zea Adams interview, where the background characters took center stage. First is the man on the left with the awful homemade hat (not the one in the middle with the awful homemade haircut).

I’m waiting for him to snatch a child, but in the 3 minutes of the interview he manages to keep his hands to himself. Then there’s this guy:

Who just wanders through. I can understand his confusion, as there was a hockey hair convention at that same venue, and he may have been disoriented by Victor’s lady lovely locks.

There are some striking things about this comic convention from 13 years ago, other than forbidden hair and jowls. The most important thing was the MONEY being tossed around. The 1990’s was a year of comic book decadence, where even the lowliest indie book could have a trading card series, action figures, six spin-offs, and a movie deal. Take, for instance, A Aron (or A Aaron, depending on your source):

Aaron describes his career to Larry, as Larry imagines a chicken dinner. He started his black & white “Adventures of Aaron” with a local newspaper in Kalamazoo, then picked up a few more papers, then a small marketer who sold him to a few more papers. The strip wasn’t syndicated nationwide yet, keep in mind. Then collections came along. Then the inevitable comic book - only one of which had been available by the time of this con. He describes a musical about his creation that was done in Kalamazoo that ran for 16 weekends, and their upcoming Christmas show. He had posters for sale, wall clocks, stand-ups, lunchboxes, headshots, T-shirts, and a CD-ROM interactive collection of the Aaron strip - all being sold at a booth that had credit card access. FOR A COMIC THAT WAS LOCALIZED IN KALAMAZOO AND RELEASED ONE ISSUE. That’s how much money was being tossed at these speculative properties. As he explains, the second issue deals with Aaron losing his hat. I am serious.

The weekly comic strip “Adventures of Aaron” ended four years after this interview. The comic is not listed on the Comic Book Database.

It’s an odd DVD. I’m surprised this footage exists, I’m more surprised I was able to get my hands on it. I have no idea how this was distributed, or if Larry and Victor are still doing interviews. I know that Peter David is still a top writer. I know Tom DeFalco is an editor for Cracked Magazine. I know that Jim Balent does a lot of girl art. I have no idea who that guy in the XO Manowar costume was or what his penis is doing these days.

Can I say penis?

Ah hell, it’s my blog.