This week in Netflix

June 24, 2008 on 6:03 pm | In Movies, Netflix, Weak Attempt |

Every week, the DVD-through-the-mail site Netflix announces new DVDs for rental. Most are films that never got a theatrical release. Ethan Kaye brings you This Week In Netflix, the most inexplicable actual description of an actual film actually posted by the Netflix staff.

This week?

Spanish Harlem

In this comic crime tale, young lothario Nemo (David Miller) finds himself the target of two gangs — one Latino and the other Italian — after foolishly impregnating a pair of mobsters’ daughters. To make matters worse, Nemo is in hock to a foaming-at-the-mouth hash dealer who wants his money within an hour. The cast also includes Oscar Medina, Steve De Vito and Derek Brantley, who plays Nemo’s best friend.

This is yet another entry into the genre of “ALL KINDS OF BAD S*** IS HAPPENING TO ME AND MY FRIENDS AND WE HAVE THIS CRAZY TIME LIMIT THING ON TOP OF IT ALL!” films, many of which pop up on Netflix each week. It’s a simple formula:

protagonist + minor personal trouble + helpful friends + major, life-threatening trouble with added time limit = movie

or, more simplified,

DVD rentals ÷ number of bored weirdos who Netflix anything that involves drugs (where the number =/= 0) = success of film in saturated market

There are tons of these films. Clean the house before mom and dad come home. Comically get rid of the body before the cops come. Pay off the bookie before he breaks your legs. It’s all comedic situations with a goofy best friend and usually a hot chick, although this film sounds like it took care of the sex early on. Rival gangs, hooo boy! You’re in for fun, filmgoer!

The part that really caught my eye was that the best friend was played by Derek Brantley. Who is Derek Brantley? I have no idea. IMDB has one entry for him and it’s for a 12-minute short film. So the last part of that sentence really doesn’t mean anything. Someone you’ve never heard of it playing a generic role - rent this! It’s not like the role of “best friend” is very coveted, like “with Anthony Hopkins as Richard III” or “with David Bowie as Nicola Tesla” or even “with Dennis Haskins as Mr. Belding.” In fact, “best friend” is so generic, you might as well say, “with Johnny Noname as policeman III.” I hope that the fact that Derek Brantley played the best friend was not the deciding factor in convincing someone to rent this movie.

But hey, at least the movie’s limited to one hour.