Big Apple Comic Con - The people that you meet when you’re walking down the street

OH! There were also celebrities! More than just sexy Barbara Streisand.

Doug Jones, from Hellboy I & II, Fantastic Four II, and the Halloween favorite Hocus Pocus was in attendence, with the longest line of the con.

Super nice guy, I got to talk to him about his work and can say nothing but good things. Jason Mewes, “Jay” from the Kevin Smith films was there too, but I didn’t say hi. I don’t know why I didn’t say hi and had to snap a paparazzi-style photo instead.

And the Village People cowboy! Can’t stop the music!

And Cyclops even did his awesome pop and lock routine!

The big guest of the day was Malcolm McDowell, star of A Clockwork Orange, Star Trek: Generations, Time After Time, and now appears on Heroes. He is a charming man, very gracious and subdued, and I wasn’t afraid to admit I’d dressed as Alex for Halloween when I was in high school. Picture was taken.

Toys and the Good Guys

Toys were around the con. I talked with Phil Nannay at Applehead Factory, who produces the Teddy Scares line of dolls, a toy line that I think it pretty neat.

One of the Applehead guys and I talked at NYCC two years ago and I like keeping up with what’s going on with the company. They’re pursuing a new zombie license to go with their new Vegan Zombie line (which looks hella cool, but was not in attendance for me to snap a photo). They did, however, have the 8″ Ned Kelly bear, which was an exclusive sold on a historic Pennsylvania prison’s Halloween tour.

Teddy Scares!

Sadly, there were other toys.

Belt buckles! Not the most conspicuous of items, at all. And I’m sure that when you’re getting down to it with a lady and she sees your 3-inch, blocky Darth Maul buckle, you’re in for a night of fun and games. Alone, with your XBox.

Oh, and there was this thing. I have no idea what it is, but it’s Star Wars, so it’s attractive to the aforementioned large guys with fanny packs. It might be a laundry hamper, but I’ll be damned if I can say that positively. But it’s Star Wars! Buy buy buy!

On the other side of the fence, there was this display of Heath Ledger shirts. The best Dark Knight shirt I’ve seen so far, and there was a wall of them!

The folks from The Comicbook Artist’s Guild were at the con.

Pictured are Lindsay Kraemer and Stephanie O’Donnell who were both panelists at the “Women in Comics” panel. The CAG hooks artists up with writers, editors with writers, artists with publishers, and all manner of combinations thereof. Good deal, I think I might be joining them for the $25 fee! Go CAG!

Livin’ Large in the Big Apple

New York is called the Big Apple, mostly because in the early part of its existence the entire island was overgrown with one giant apple tree known as “Milbojog,” a Dutch word meaning “the killer apple tree.” It’s a totally cool story, and I’ll be sure to tell you more about it once I make some more of it up.

The Big Apple is also the name of the New York City comic convention, now held twice a year (down from 5 of previous years). And I, being a servant of the comic people, decided to report on this event for Wizard (at length, so feel free to read some and come back later). Now, I’m not much of a reporter, I’m more of a snarky jackass, but with everything there’s an upside and a downside and I shall try to be fair and balanced.

As much as I can.

The Big Apple Con is not big, despite the name. It’s three floors in Penn Plaza and the main floor is a tightly-squeezed combination of comic and toy dealers, DVD bootleggers, artists, celebrities, and only the occasional costume. Yeah, usually there are about 4 slave Leias, nine Jokers, and more anime characters than you can shake a fur-covered stick at, but since this was a dealer’s con, not many outfits.

Still there were a few.

I thought that Sora (from the Nightmare Before Christmas level of Kingdom Hearts) was a clever costume, especially since my girlfriend Katie and I just beat the first Kingdom Hearts game. Clap clap clap, I applaud.

Then there was Snake Eyes who didn’t get the memo that you’re supposed to leave your books in your locker before going out on a mission.

Oh, and then there was fanny pack Venom. Just like the real Venom, except needs to keep his change and maybe his insulin close by.

In fact, it was kind of like the costumes were an afterthought. The con attendees weren’t the cute fanboys and girls who bop around bigger cons, these were mostly large (in girth) dudes who were more than happy to yell at creators for art choices they didn’t like. Even the Stormtrooper costumes were kept to a minimum.

Ethan Kaye goes to the Big Apple Comic Con

So if you’re in the city this weekend, check out the Big Apple Comic Con. Lotsa guests, lotsa dealers, lotsa signings and lotsa me, Ethan Kaye, liveblogging from the convention floor. Yep, I’ll be there to pick up on the weird and the wonderful from Penn Plaza and buying Moon Knight back issues (I’m only missing like 3 from the original series!).

And if you’re there and you see me taking pictures of B Sharp’s Funny Foam, or the lone dealer trying to unload cell phone batteries, come up and say hi! If nothing’s really happening at the con, I’ll probably blog about meeting you!

Our Video Game History Part IV

Since there’s not much going on with Netflix this week, I decided to go back to FunTown, which is to say go back to the land of awful PC/DOS video game boxes. I do this not because I enjoy badly drawn game boxes in German, but to inform you of where we came from. THIS IS WHAT WE CALLED QUALITY AT ONE TIME. This is what marketing pushes were all about, thousands of man-hours spent creating levels and bitmaps, and the undeniable fact that this game could make or break your garage band-style gaming company. This was our past.

Jeff, a frequent reader of this site, commented on one of the video games in the last installment of this series that this style of fantasy art reminded him of bad carnival rides. This one would definitely fall into that category. Woman on divan being threatened by horned Shroud of Turin while a beefy guy with a lazy eye and odd chest muscles stands behind a table where a bunsen burner cooks fruit snacks, yeah, that spells goofy fantasy for me. And I was almost going to ignore the lack of apostrophe, but I decided against it, mostly for religious reasons.

“Hey guys, glad you could make it. Oh, wow, nice canoe. Didja make that in like an hour?”

“Shut up. The good one broke, we found this one behind the house.”

“No, no, it looks great. I think my sister made one just like it.”

“Dude, your sister’s like 9, that…aw, that’s just mean, dawg.”

“Ha ha, you guys totally suck.”

“Shut up, dude.”

Imagined text from back of box: “Attention homebound nerds! Let’s PARTI! This is the #1 party simulator on the market, allowing you to socialize with real AI characters in the safety of your own foul-smelling fart cave. Imagine talking to a beautiful woman without ever leaving your chair, or dealing with rejection after you stutter a few sentences about THAC0 and other geeky crap that real women don’t care about! Have a virtual drink, impress the local celebrities with your knowledge of Romulans, and become the life of your own sheltered, self-serving party! Who needs actual interaction, when you can just simulate it on your computer? Let’s PARTI!”

I really hope that this game is a first person shooter. Elizabeth I vs. the Zombie Bats From Hell. Sadly, I suspect it’s very text-heavy making this game slightly less fun and more time consuming than reading a book on the queen’s life. For example, in a book, you can read an entire chapter about Elizabeth’s relationship with John Dee in about 15 minutes. In the text-based adventure, it takes roughly the same time to OPEN DRAWER, FIND KEY, TALK TO GUARD, EXIT ROOM, and USE KEY. And what did you learn about John Dee in that time? Nothing, my friend. Nothing at all.

Fatty Bear is not as cute as Bouncy Bee. I completely adore Bouncy Bee. I do not wish to speak of Fatty Bear’s Funpack, which is available on DVD from the back rooms of most low-class video stores.

“Alright, first we land troops here in…wait, why’s Canada so big? It’s like friggin…hang on, hang on, someone moved Australia over south of Europe and Africa’s gone. And why’s Canada so close to Europe? And why’s Greenland all the way over…what the hell is this…I’m going to get a fresh map from the closet.”

“Probably no need, Mr. President, look behind you.”

The. Fish. Is. Smoking. Underwater. WTF.

The translated title of this is actually “Dance like a TOTAL spaz!” It’s not a very good game, but it’s groundbreaking in that it was the first game to accurately depict what middle-aged people look like trying to do the Electric Slide at a bar mitzvah.

To order this game, you had to tell the clerk that you planned to use it for tobacco only, otherwise he wouldn’t sell it to you and you’d have to leave the store.

“That’s awful and all, but I really don’t have any spare change, I’m sorry.”

Goddam furries ruin another picnic spot. Son of a bitch.

Not-so Golden Age Sandman

While looking around online for some Golden Age hero art, I did a google search for the term “Sandman.” I was interested in seeing the costume of the original 1940’s comic character Sandman, Wesley Dodds, who looks like this:

He is mad awesome. Simple costume, menacing, mysterious, I like it. Sandman Mystery Theater was one of the best comics ever, and if you haven’t started reading back issues or tracking down the few trades Vertigo’s put out, I would highly recommend it.

But anyway, while searching the images for “Sandman”, I stumbled across a press release for a rapper known as (surprise!) Sandman! He released his album “Face Value” and wrote up a press release for it himself. It also would appear that he put the CD cover together himself, using the best photoshopper he cound find that would work for a free copy of “Face Value” in lieu of payment:

So you don’t have to squint at the cover for too long, I’ll type out what he says on his “For Sale” sign:

For Sale

Easy to please

It’s a cute little cartoon yard sale sign, probably last seen on a Jeff Foxworthy album or T-shirt, accompanied by really horrible type and a picture of the rapper, apparently up to his shoulders in sand. Or just cropped at the shoulders and superimposed on top of the sand and the sign itself. I don’t know what’s more out of place, the sign or Sandman. If I took this CD at “Face Value,” I would assume that Sandman put this together on his computer while not actually having any knowledge of how his computer worked. Oh, and I think he’s wearing a Star Trek uniform, but I can’t be too sure. I’m not going to ask.

The real gem is the press release that he sent out to promote this CD. THIS IS THE REASON PEOPLE HIRE PROFESSIONAL PRESS AGENTS. I’ve said this before, when Chubby Checker sent his letter to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, asking “where is my more money and more fame?” A professional agent wouldn’t have let something like that even get to an editor, in fear that it would insult them. PEOPLE! If you are promoting yourself spend the extra bucks to do it right, otherwise you will come off looking very, very, very bad. Much like Sandman.

My style of rap is not hard it’s easy to understand every word I’m say’n. There are six sex song on the CD that mostly because that what I do most. I rap about what I know. I don’t talk hard about murdering somebody, going to jail, selling drugs,cause tha

The rest of the DVD talk about what I like, the people feature on the album, and my kids, and how we set around playing cards, and smok’n, and drink’n and who is the CEO of Lo-End, and what Ahh Dee Ahh means to us and how it got started

As you can see, Sandman is in need of a press agent, someone to translate what he’s “say’n” into something that people will respect. To be honest, I am not entirely sure the message he is getting across, but it seems to be positive in all respects and the reviews I’ve read of this album make it out to sound like a very good rap album, despite being 90% about sex. In the interests of scholarship, I am re-writing Sandman’s press release with my own added slant as a writer. Perhaps things will clear themselves up a little.

As can be noted, my style of rapping is quite succinct and every word understandable; ie, it is not difficult to listen to. I enjoy sex! As the scholars say, rap about what you know. This is why there are six entire songs devoted to my favorite hobby, sex. On this CD, “Face Value,” you will not find any songs about murder or jail or drugs. Why? Because!

The rest of the DVD is a profile of myself, my hobbies, and my interests. There are profiles as to the other people who perform on the album, my children, and how we all sit around drinking, smoking, playing cards, and determining who is the CEO of Lo-End Records. We also give insight into what the song “Ahh Dee Ahh” means to us, and how the song came about.

Let this be a lesson to all writers: what you do is important. Whether it be something as noble as ad writing or book writing, or something trivial and time-wasting like poetry, your writing skills can make a difference. When you need to get ideas across clearly, use your intellect and your experience to put forth an amazing product. It does make a difference, as you have seen with Sandman. Because sometimes, as “Remy”, who reviewed the Sandman CD on a website, says, “It was very good contents.”

Yes, Remy, it was/is/has.

Go see The Foot Fist Way

I just watched this movie and I can’t recommend it highly enough. HILARIOUS. It’s a down-to-earth tale of a strip mall taw kwon do instructor from the south. It’s amazingly close to what real karate instruction is like, minus the plot about the cheating wife. It’s played totally straight and it’s insanely funny.

And if you need a push in the right direction, it’s produced by Will Ferrell and Adam McKay. The film was sent to them by the filmmakers and, according to the film’s website, they watched it over twenty times and continually quote it. It’s amazing. Really, really funny. I cackled through the whole thing. I loved it. Loved it. Go see it as soon as you can.