Anatomy Make Eyes Hurt!

August 26, 2008 on 7:43 pm | In Comics, Insanity |

Oh no.

No no no no no no. Do not want.

What are you THINKING, 1990’s Marvel? Did you think Thor could walk with those legs? He’d chafe his dumplings down to nothing and then snap his shins like stale breadsticks. I have fairly large thighs, I admit it, but they stop touching each other well before they get to my knees. Does he have any skin at all on his legs? Because he’s showing interior thigh muscles that wouldn’t be visible unless he was flayed - and he’s wearing armor on top of it.

That isn’t a shirt. It can’t be. It can only be painted on, with definition like that, which means that before battle Thor has someone painting his chest blue and yellow. You think your job sucks?

Does he have wings? Who the hell has muscles that stick out like that from their back? Arms attach to the shoulder, not to the ribcage. And what arms they are! Looks like they’re being held on by a prayer.

And his chest is almost the same length across as the distance from his chin to his knees. This is bad. Way bad.

And if you do the thing where 1 head = 1 foot, Thor is 8 feet tall. His head is TINY. A little peanut-headed storm god.

So what does this add up to? In my esteemed opinion, the man is a giant who uses steroids like a fiend, shrunk his batch down to nothingness, and has malignant cancerous tumors under his arms. And he’s a comic book hero worthy of the 400th issue of a 482-issue comic book (?).

I need to lie down.