The Disney World Anal Retentive Vacation

September 4, 2008 on 3:26 pm | In Insanity, Life in NY |

So a head’s up to all 6 of you who read my blog - I am going on vacation! Your old pal Ethan is taking next week off and setting sail to gorgeous Lake Buena Vista (Spanish for “Lake Boon Vast”) for a week of fun at the most magical place on Earth, Disney World. I’ll be bringing the trusty laptop and hopefully getting some blogging in if I find weird stuff, but I’m warning you right now: it’s a vacation. I will be doing vacation things. I will be eating from buffets. I will plan on being very tired a lot. Updates may be sporadic, more sporadic than they are now.

When planning the Disney trip, though, there are numerous questions that need to be answered. Where to stay? (we’re staying at the Wilderness Lodge) What to eat? (Disney meal plan allows for some great choices) Where’s the Nazi hidden in a Disney mural? (it’s in the Grand Floridian). Luckily, there are literally dozens, if not hundreds, of websites devoted to helping you answer your questions and offer reader-generated tips, including gems like “the parks get crowded sometimes, so be prepared” (???).

I have searched a few of these sites and found one that absolutely screams “anal retentive.” I’m not going to list the name of the site, but I will link to it. First off, try to get over the bad site design. Most of the site is made up of ads and pinks and yellows, which have been known to drive prisoners mad. Still, it’s the perfect site if you want your trip planned down to the minute, as well as the 6 months prior to your trip. It offers such scheduling tips as:

and

If you’re looking to dine at the parks, not to worry, this man has every meal planned down to the 5 to 15-minute interval:

Yes, don’t worry, paranoid people, a five-minute variance is OK. It’s normal. Don’t freak out. I’m sure you can busy yourself for those five minutes, it’s Disney World after all.

The website assumes that you will be traveling with children, but it feels that there should be certain guidelines about which children to bring.

If you cannot find suitable children, you may need to leave a few at home and try and rent some for the trip (Disney does not offer child-rental services). The real issue, though is not necessarily the age or the height. It’s the brains. Thankfully, the writer of the site has given some thought to the issue, and come up with his take on it:

There’s a lot to do in the Disney theme parks. Aside from numerous schedules the writer has prepared, each differing in case you don’t have much money or if your children are (shudder) under 48 inches high, he has also put together a comprehensive list of attractions you can skip. He considers them “rides that almost no one will regret missing”. If you weren’t intrigued enough to click on the Nazi link, please check this link to an actual annotated spreadsheet. It’s a winner and a half.

And if the parks get dull, you can always enjoy the nightlife, like I found on Yahoo maps:

Wish me luck, friends, for I (and my girlfriend Katie, as well as season 2 of Heroes on DVD) am going to Disney World. And we’re not using that guy’s itinerary.