Let’s swim to the moon

October 13, 2008 on 7:59 pm | In Music |

I keep checking out LPlover.com for some classic oddball albums and I’m going to keep posting some of the winners over here. Why? They funny! They make-a you laugh!

Except this one.

There is so, so much wrong with this particular album, entitled “To conquer the moon,” that I should be calling up the French League of Decency, except they don’t exist.

For starters, what’s being depicted on this cover? A large man taking a little boy past a launching rocket. Perhaps this man is taking the boy on a trip through the awesome world of space exploration, starting with a lunar rocket launch, much like a Disney World ride. It would kind of make sense then, although the child would be burned to a little cinder since they’re so close to the exhaust area of the rocket.

But what’s really going on? The man is much, much larger than the boy, which could be to show that he has the higher status on this cover. He looks angry, like he’s determined to get the kid somewhere and the rocket is just a distraction on their way to…wherever they’re going. “Stop looking that way, we’re going to the rest stop toilet.” Not only that, what the hell is he wearing? A real astronaut’s uniform has all kinds of gadgets on the front. See?

Tubes and valves and gauges. This guy on the cover is wearing coveralls with a cargo pocket, a collar, and two patches. He’s not an astronaut. It’s very obvious that this man made an astronaut-like suit so he could bait children with it. It really isn’t anything convincing, unless you’re at a shuttle launch with your folks and you expect to see NASA people walking around. He’s got a bulge in his pants that would put a pornstar to shame as well. And the launching rocket, well, that’s Freudian for ya. Sometimes a rocket isn’t just a rocket.

This boy is being abducted for sinister purposes. And it’s all captured on the cover of a French album about space exploration.