This week in Netflix: a Review

October 20, 2008 on 7:07 pm | In Movies, Music, Netflix, Television, Weak Attempt |

Every week, the DVD-through-the-mail site Netflix announces new DVDs for rental. Most are films that never got a theatrical release. Ethan Kaye brings you This Week In Netflix, the most inexplicable actual description of an actual film actually posted by the Netflix staff.

This week? Well, we have a few of them.

Sunday School Musical

When financial woes threaten their church’s future, a group of teens, led by one talented performer, enters a song and dance competition in hopes of winning a heavenly cash prize. Starring Candise Lakota as Savannah, this heartwarming and energetic Christian spin on the tremendously popular High School Musical franchise features 21 songs, including seven originals by composer Don Raymond. Rachel Goldenberg directs.

Financial woes. The old song and dance (ha ha ha) that has been known to organize kids into starting musicals. By doing a little bit of research (ie, looking for another synopsis), it looks like the church is going to be torn down. That’s right, a church is a little arrears on the rent, and the whole thing is going to be gone. That, to me, is next to impossible. If a greedy developer was trying to take over the land, the odds are that there would be huge legal battles involved with evicting and then demolishing a church. If they owe back rent, then the most expensive thing to do would be to tear it down - demolition costs cash, which is why you see churches for sale these days. And how dire is the financial situation if it can be solved by entering a talent show? The choices are come up with the money you win in a talent show OR LOSE EVERYTHING. Doesn’t add up.

Plus, if the church was important enough to save it should have enough support from the community/diocese/historic preservation to stay afloat. Otherwise the church folds but the congregation moves on to other things. Like a smaller, more affordable space. The church is people, not brick and mortar, it will survive wherever people take it. So this really is about kids who don’t want to lose a building that no one else is fighting for. What a great movie! No wonder this religious knock-off of a popular franchise only got 2 stars from Netflix, less than Curse of Alcatraz!

Half a Person

When Mark (Michael Majeski), a young gay man, and his straight best friend, Alex (Nigel Smith), leave their hometown for the big city, Mark exposes a self-destructive streak, while Alex must confront a painful secret from his past. But as they reveal more of their true selves, their hidden feelings for each other drive them to a decision that changes their lives forever. Adam Santangelo directs this sensitive coming-of-age drama.

Not much to say, other than I finally decoded the Netflix website. If a movie is called a “coming-of-age” anything, it’s really code for “and then I figured out I was gay.” Next movie.

Fiesta Grand

When Monica dumps her overbearing boyfriend, Rueben, and becomes engaged to sweet but poor James, her parents disapprove and scheme with Rueben to sabotage the engagement. Meanwhile, James’s pals are planning to throw a wild bachelor party that could land the groom in hot water. Can James and Monica navigate interfering relatives and well-meaning friends and actually make it to the altar? Josué Gutierrez and Lyanna Tumaneng star in this comedy.

Wow. A wild bachelor party that could land the groom in hot water. That sure makes for a fun twist. Wow. Can’t wait to see this, it looks stellar. Really breaks new ground.

Now imagine how different that paragraph would have sounded if I used exclamation points instead of periods. Now realize why I didn’t. It’s the problem of too many subplots. Why mention the bachelor party? How is this different than so many other awful wedding movies? And why did the one reviewer on the site give it 4 out of 5 stars and say it was “must see?” My guess is they were cast or crew, since Netflix gives it less than 2 stars.

Birds of America

With only his daffy neighbor (Hilary Swank) offering a diversion from his daily grind, Morrie (Matthew Perry) feels stifled by his suburban life and career. But circumstances change when he’s forced to reconcile with his younger brother and sister (Ben Foster and Ginnifer Goodwin). They resented him as a surrogate father when they were growing up, but now, their freewheeling ways just may be Morrie’s salvation. Daniel Eric Gold co-stars.

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Matthew Perry should take a break from his film career and give television a go.