December 31, 2008 on 3:44 am | In Comics, Movies, Weak Attempt, advertising, ebay | No Comments
Roger Corman is a filmmaker. He’s made more films than most directors, with his patented “work with no budget, film in three days, get the film out in a week, take in nothing but profit” attitude. The imdb lists over 380 films with his name in the production credits. The majority of his films, such as “Fast Charlie…the Moonbeam Rider” and “Night of the Cobra Woman” are quickly forgotten, but comic fans will know him immediately for butchering the Fantastic Four franchise, way before Jessica Alba could get to it.
His version of the FF movie wasn’t even straight to video, it was straight to flea market bargain bin. Made for less money than the big budget Fantastic Four film spent on catering for a week, the film was quickly buried with no theatrical run. However, posters were released.
One is now being sold on eBay, so if you want a piece of forgotten movie history, place your bids now.
There is a LOT wrong with this poster. Corman’s slapdash approach to filmmaking applies to his approach to designing posters as well. First off, the image quality, especially around the logo, really is that bad. Like, community-college-logo-for-credit bad. Plus, there’s no need to repeat the word “four”, if you have a giant “4″ in the background. The FF comic book got away with just using the word “four” and the new releases just go with the numeral. Roger Corman has, in essence, given us the Fantastic Four Four.
The tagline is the real offender here. “Part muscle, part elastic, part fire, part invisible. Together, it’s clobberin’ time!” Let’s diagram that sentence a little. “Muscle” and “fire” are both nouns. “Invisible” is an adjective. “Elastic” can be both an noun and an adjective, it’s unclear which it’s supposed to me. You can’t really put all of them together in one sentence. It just doesn’t work.
I guess the first three work, if you’re talking about parts of a whole. But the invisible thing? No, not at all. One of these things is not like the other, and it’s “part invisible.”
Bad, bad movie poster.
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December 22, 2008 on 5:05 pm | In Christmas, Insanity, Internet, Music | 4 Comments
Yesterday, I was talking with my friend Bethany about the holiday season, and she told me the joy that is Finnish Christmas carols. See, Bethany’s Finnish and the Finnish love Christmas – especially Santa Claus. They believe he lives in Finland, which is possible, since there’s a lot of unclaimed real estate up there. She told me that Finnish Christmas songs are a hoot and a half, but since they’re all in Finnish, I wouldn’t really get them.
Unless, of course, I ran the text through a Finnish translation program. That was my idea. So here, for your enjoyment, are Finnish Christmas carols, translated into poor, broken English through a combination of a translation program and a Finnish to English dictionary (for the hard words that slipped through the translator). Please keep in mind that the oddness of these is due to the not-so-good translator programs, and not due to the quality of Finnish songs. They may sound as insane as a, say, Japanese Christmas carol, but I’m certain they actually make sense in their original language, unlike Japanese Christmas carols.
Christmas Eve is now sweet
Christmas Eve is now sweet, the star sky is blue.
The farmhouse livingroom already is washed, pure, yard snow-covered.
The children are bustled, runs and whisks the children’s jovial Devil, it whispers the race from the Christmas gifts, the spruce was carried from the wood.
Everyday their job to stop violence, all Year’s Eve to expect.
Cabin, even six rises, the lights peep into the night.
Soulful then the songs they always play, big, small when frolicking.
Candy eaten, distributed, the children thank reimuissaan.
Santa Claus, Santa Claus
(this part the children sing)
Santa Claus, Santa Claus, a white beard, the old granddaddy.
Does not the burden will press your back?
The fair here, we are not afraid!
Oothan(?) us with old friends, firm, bitterness.
Here is also goody-goody children, bright eyes, for the time being.
Santa Claus, Santa Claus, a white beard, the old granddaddy.
Spend the evening with us here we triumph.
Welcome to us always, the fair here, wood-press or if you want to play on
Two more fun you have!
(this part Santa sings)
Thank you, thank you, goody-goody children, bright eyes, for the time being.
Greetings to you, the little ones;
make room for playing, make room for singing!
Here a fun evening moment at night, but there is still a long expedition:
spruce tree trust the head of I got the direction of travel runs.
(this part the children sing)
Santa Claus, Santa Claus, a white beard, the old granddaddy.
Stay for a little while, though on a long trip.
Here we bring you a nectar; colder than the spring.
Then periodically knew of the long – to go as big MAN!
(this part Santa sings)
Thank you, but now goody-goody children, bright eyes, for the time being!
Here is to your memory; Small Christmas tasting.<
(this part the children sing)
Thank you, a good grandpa, our friend Santa Claus.
Again, when you reach the next Christmas, welcome to our school!
I do not search for power, glory
I do not search for power, glory, I do not need of any gold;
I ask the celestial light and peace over the country!
It’s Christmas morass mi brings happiness and minds to bring God creates!
It is not the power or even the gold, but peace in the country on top!
Excuse me, a peaceful refuge and children Christmas!
God’s word to light that where’s Christmas clears!
Bring home care, if less, now Christmas lovely!
The god of light in a word, and think noble!
Create a poor way as riches be a wonderful Christmas!
Darkness brings the world’s celestial light!
Sue hug, Sue, I expect Mr. Weather country and the sky!
Now the poor even as the rich will create a sweet Christmas brings!
Dashing curved steps
Dashing curved steps, mother’s tedium is so busy.
Gifts covered in wrapping paper; No. Pledge stick, but to have fun after all!
Forefather, forefather children excited,
Christmas, spruce acquisition;
Globe baubles, stars; All branches, you know it, a lot of candles!
When you have completed six gold, rush about children of the room.
Who has come in there alone with a Christmas bag?
Old Santa Claus!
The children, all screaming: Oi, oi, oi!
Point triumphal thanks for playing, playing, playing.
Cute baby MAIJAN is,
Placing the sled unparalleled,
Stallion kitten perfect!
Christmas ends, even the shoe does not play;
Christmas tree is exported away, away, away.
But next year he arrives in a law-Valentine
It can not betray the hope!
