2008: The year in review

January 12, 2009 on 12:14 pm | In Movies, Netflix, Television, Weak Attempt | 6 Comments

I haven’t made a big deal out of this whole “now it’s 2009″ thing, but in all honesty, I haven’t been thinking much about it. I’m mostly interested in my work, my writing, upcoming conventions, and obsessively collecting more items for the Mad Hatter collection (new page of Mark Buckingham Hatter art from Shadow of the Bat #79 is on it’s way, and I’m waiting to get four Batman vs Hatter trading cards from 1966 matted properly). But in the spirit of saying goodbye to 2008, I’d like to share with you something very personal. Something that I generally keep very secret and only share with close, close friends.

My Netflix rental history for 2008.

It’s a recap of the stuff that I enjoyed, with my hilarious mini-review following it. Why hilarious? Because the majority of the stuff I rented was absolutely awful. Like, I searched out films that had less than 2 stars. And this is what my life is.

Exploring the Da Vinci Code (2005) – Henry Lincoln was one of the great names in Holy Grail scholarship, and the theories he presented in “Holy Blood, Holy Grail” became the basis for The Da Vinci Code. That being said, you’d think he’d be more excited in hosting this DVD. The Da Vinci Code movie isn’t mentioned, Da Vinci is not mentioned, and Lincoln more or less travels around France pointing out some strange things that point to some sort of conspiracy or hidden knowledge. No conclusions are made. It’s kinda cool, but he keeps mentioning that none of these clues actually mean anything. Weird.

The Hot Rock (1972) – Uh…heist film starring Robert Redford and Zero Mostel. I listed it when I was going through a Zero Mostel phase, ended up not watching this film.

The Pink Chiquitas (1987) – Frank Stallone. A movie about nymphomaniac aliens. Mostly Frank Stallone. Sly’s less-talented brother swaggers through numerous scenes where he’s a badass and everyone falls for him. It wasn’t the worst film I’ve ever seen, but definitely the worst about nymphomaniac aliens (mostly due to Frank Stallone’s presence). Not sure who thought green-lighting this movie was a good idea, but hopefully they have been stopped by now.

Trekkies 2 – (2004) – The first Trekkies movie was fun. You got to laugh at the fun folks who thought they were aliens and that they went to some space academy. If this were the 1700’s, they would have ended up in a mental hospital, but now they’re dentists and lawyers and stuff. This sequel meets some new friends, and catches up with some old ones, most importantly the kid who was interviewed for the first one and ended up screaming at his friend through the phone when he interrupted the interview. He and his dad film fan episodes of Star Trek in their garage. Both are married to actual women.

Black Adder: Series 1 – I’m going to list all the Black Adders under one heading, since I watched them all at once. A very funny show, but after three discs or so, I lost interested and had to rent something else. That something was…

Can’t Stop the Music (1980) – Yes, the Village People movie. People always remember it as being the Village People movie, but they forget that it also stars Steve Guttenberg, Valerie Perrine (topless scene!), and Bruce Jenner before he got his faced removed by plastic surgery. Remarkably, Steve Guttenberg’s acting is truly the gayest thing in this movie that stars the Village People. It gets way disturbing way fast. The film is more or less The Muppet Movie with flamboyantly dressed dancer/singers. Oddly enough, the leather motorcycle enthusiast’s rendition of “Danny Boy” is the highlight of an otherwise awful film.

Chariots of the Gods (1972) – I got this for Katie, thinking that it was a version of the film about ancient astronauts landing on Earth that I saw as a child. I was big into that stuff when I was little (and now, when I’m bigger), so a film narrated by alien hunter Erich von Daniken himself was a big deal for little 10-year old Ethan. This one isn’t that version. It’s more than a little drawn out and doesn’t keep your attention. I still believe, but I don’t think Katie does.

Putney Swope (1969) – A film by Robert Downey Sr. about the advertising industry. The only black member of an ad firm gets promoted to head of the company and he goes about reinventing the ad industry. I figured that since I was a member of the ad world, I should see this. It’s not awful, but many scenes don’t seem to have any point and they tend to add up by the end. Some of the ad parodies are funny, but the scenes with Putney himself (an actor who was so drunk on set that all his lines were dubbed in by Downey) don’t always make sense. Especially every scene with the midget/little person at the president of the US. It doesn’t even make sense if you see the movie.

Student Bodies (1981) – I rented this as part of a Richard Belzer double feature with the absolutely terrible waste of film, “The Wrong Guys,” which I sadly own and didn’t have to rent. It’s an early spoof of the teen slasher genre, which in itself isn’t bad, but the film just isn’t that funny. Belzer is the killer. Ooop, there I go, I ruined the ending for you. Now you don’t have to rent it to find out!

24 Hour Party People (2002) – A look at the history of the Manchester music scene, with Joy Division and the Happy Mondays as the focus. It’s told through the eyes of music manager Tony Wilson, played by a not-surprisingly good Steve Coogan. I love the whole music bio thing, and this was the only movie I netflixed in 2008 that I strongly considered buying for my home collection. The box cover, sadly, makes it look like it’s about rave culture, which is more or less ignoring most of what this movie’s about. Almost every British actor makes a cameo in this film.

Bloodz vs. Wolvez (2006) – FAIL. Movie fail. Vampires vs werewolves on the streets of NYC, although about 95% of the scenes are filmed inside buildings that are unfurnished. I imagine that the producers knew a real estate broker who could get them into an unleased building for a few days of shooting. NONE of the scenes are furnished, which sorta make sense when you’re dealing with the werewolves who are squatting in an unfinished apartment, but becomes a joke when you’re dealing with the vampires who are supposed to be very rich but don’t have a couch or dining room table. The interesting part is that this is a more-than-decent commentary on black culture (rich vs poor), but the idea of making it about vampires and werewolves FAILS, especially in the make-up department (there is none for either group). Would have worked as a conceptual stage show though.

Vampiyaz (2004) – This is the spiritual prequel to Bloodz vs Wolvez, made by the same cast and crew and using, once again, unfurnished buildings for all their scenes. The plot’s eh, a guy gets out of jail (a penitentiary that is obviously used now as a historical landmark and not a real prison anymore), finds his friend’s a vampire, then ends up killing him. He also falls in love with a girl in a wheelchair who ends up getting blown up. Nothing in this film works, the acting, the script, the dialogue, the plot, the special effects. Just a mess. Avoid, even if you like bad movies because it’s hard to make fun of.

Spaced: The Compete Series (1999) – Also known as “the series about geek culture that stars the guys from Sean of the Dead.” That’s it in a nutshell. Friends get a flat together, they have fun with their odd friends. Lots and lots of geek references, which makes it a geek hit. I liked it.

Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000) – And surprise, neither was Blair Witch 2! Both wastes of film, money, and time, although American Psycho 2 would have worked better if it hadn’t been connected to the first film or the book at all.

Marathon Man (1976) – Dustin Hoffman classic that I obviously rented during my “reading books about Nazi hunting” phase. Laurence Olivier is an escaped Nazi who totally messes up Dustin Hoffman, who decides to get revenge. So 70’s, you can smell the stale cigarette smoke.

More to come later! Stay tuned!