Free watch if you’re interested in Tupac? How do these add up? And what is the goal of this study? To learn more about men who are interested in Tupac, or to just get rid of a bunch of hot watches?

Now, Wizard Universe hosts more than a few banner ads around my blog, and that’s fine, it pays the bills. There’s an ad right now for a Freshmen T-shirt offer from Top Cow. If you haven’t read Freshmen, do so, it’s a fantastic book. So what do I see when I read through my blog today? One of the chesty girls I posted last week next to the Top Cow model.

Wow. Life just got weird again. Sadly, just by posting this fact, I’ve screwed up the chance of you seeing this phenomenon for yourself on my site. But that’s progress for ya.

Believe it, the title is BIRTH CONTROL IS SINFUL IN THE CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES and also ROBBING GOD OF PRIESTHOOD CHILDREN!!” (note the two exclamation points in the title)

Have I read it? Nope. Never will either. It’s 648 pages, weighs close to 4 lbs, and it written by a completely crazy woman.How crazy? The title doesn’t say it all for you? Or even the subtitle, which is hard to read, “MANY FALSE CHRIST MARRIAGES ARE LIVING ON BIRTH CONTROL AND NOW LEADING THE AMERICAN CHURCH WEALTH!”? Well, her Amazon page contains some delightful gems from deep inside the crevasse which is her insane mind.

THIS IS A HOLYSPIRIT MANUSCRIPT BOOK: WHEN YOU BUY THIS BOOK YOU WILL BE READING A HOLYSPIRIT DIRECTED BOOK FROM GOD; & *CHRIST JESUS. THIS BOOK IS GODS HOLYSPIRIT VOICE: THE CALL FOR ALL CHRISTIANS & CHURCHES TO REPENT FROM ALL THEIR SINS: EVEN FROM FALSE CHRIST TEACHINGS. BIRTH CONTROL SINS HAVE CURSE THE CHURCH WITH SPIRITUAL WHOREDOM & FALSE WORSHIP.

Please note that the Holy Spirit [sic] and Christ Jesus think everything is important, so it must be in all caps. That, and a colon makes the perfect transition between one lost thought and another. I may revisit my declaration never to read this book, because it’s probably chock full of insane, but not in an easily copy and paste format that I can put on the internet. And no, it’s not on Kindle.

Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson is a strong woman who feels the need to yell stuff, but she’s not without her critics.

BECAUSE OF COMPUTER DICTATORS: MANY WORDS IN THIS BOOK: MADE HAVE BEEN CHANGED: TO>>DISCREDIT: THE AUTHOR. BUT IN TRUTH: I AM A HOLYSPIRIT CHOSEN ANOINTED DISCIPLE FOR GOD & CHRIST JESUS. EVEN FOR JEWS, MUSLIMS & GENTILE SINNERS.

MS. ELIYZABETH YANNE STRONG-ANDERSON: ALSO PETITION FOR THE MAYOR SEAT IN TUCSON ARIZONA IN 1998. BECAUSE OF ORGANIZED CRIMES, POLICTICAL RACISM AND CHRISTIAN PERSECUTION AGAINST ELIYZABETH: HOLYSPIRIT EVANGELIST LIFE:

Lizzy, I can guarantee you that none of those things was the reason you didn’t get the mayoral seat. At least, I assume she didn’t, she doesn’t say anything else on the subject except that cryptic sentence.

You can get a good idea of her life story just by reading her ramblings on her Amazon page, the page that’s supposed to entice you to buy the book. She wanders off-topic occasionally, although it’s safe to say that selling her book is not the main goal of getting on Amazon.

GOD TOLD ME TO TEACH THE GOSPEL ON CABLE TELEVISION IN TUCSON ARIZONA. *CONCERNING THE SINS OF THE CHURCHES: & CONCERNING THE>LACK OF GIVING TO THE POOR & ORPHANS: CHRISTIAN CHURCHES SHOULD: BUILD MORE:> WATER WELLS: & BUILD LOW INCOME HOUSINGS: MATTHEW 25 & ISAIAH 61

But wait, there’s more! If writing 700-page books in broken English about not havin’ babies because they might become priests one day doesn’t keep the men charging away from your door (and the photo doesn’t either), Miss Crazy Cleo is also a black belt in karate!

MS. ELIYZABETH YANNE STRONG: ALSO HAS A 1ST DEGREE BLACK BELT IN TAEJUKENPO KARATE: SHE STARTED A KIDS & TEEN: KARATE MEMBERSHIP & TV CLUB: CALLED: KARATE PLAY: IN 1996-2000: SHE IS NOW: STARTING: RECREATION CITY KARATE CLASSES IN TUCSON ARIZONA: WITH GOALS TO OFFER PRIVATE MEMBERSHIP KARATE CLUB CLASSES.

Want more fun? “Taejukenpo karate” doesn’t exist. A google search turned up one (1) result which was…Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson’s Amazon page. Same one where she’s selling the book. Either she’s making the karate thing up, or she went through enough karate training to become a black belt but neglected to ever notice how her discipline was spelled.

THIS IS WHY YOU DO NOT SELF-PUBLISH, PEOPLE.

Want another reason why this is insanity? She’s priced her book at $150.00.

Oh God, why have you made your biggest supporters complete and utter loons?

Especially when there are some ads that are TOTALLY INSANE but awesome. Case in point:

How TOTALLY INSANE but awesome is this Quiznos ad? Here’s a still image from it:

If I ate at Quiznos, I would be proud that my choice of hot sub deli had the stones to go out and take a risk with this. The song’s catchy, it gets you thinking about Quiznos, and if you’re really lucky, you’ll start hearing dogs tell you to kill people with a gun.

True to his word, this man was getting kisses. And he was, in fact, Italian.

My girlfriend asked if the “No boys, only girls” comment on his sign was a later addition and he admitted it was. I joked that he was getting too many guys dressed as cats, and he subtly nodded in the affirmative.

ATTENTION CAT MEN: Please do not try to kiss Italians, even if they are begging for it with a sign. It may be all “fun” and “games” to you, but this man was trying to make a cultural statement: he wanted women to appreciate the Italian. Your cat men games just dilute his mission.

February’s image is this (an adaptation of it):

The tagline is awesome. This was a day when advertising had some stones. “It’s The Greatest Record Ever Made.” That promises a lot. I’d love to be able to weave that claim into one of my ads. Just balls-to-the-wall braggadocio.

Thing is, the song’s really good. It may not be the greatest record ever made by today’s standards (in my mind, it’s Elton John’s “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road”), but I’m sure I would have worn out the needle on “Milk Cow Blues”.

Apparently there’s a contest where you do a dance in the store and you can win a Wii or pants or something. Whatever, it makes them happy.

The catch is that GOGA has been used as an acronym repeatedly in the porn industry. It stands for “Girl on Girl Action”. So good job, Old Navy. You’re not making me think of yoga when I walk past your store on my way to work.

Obama? Sure, you’ve gotta have Obama. His mouth’s a little off, but we’ll let it slide. After all, what child’s going to say no to eating a man in a suit cookie? President Obama! Is food!

His wife-elect, Michelle, is looking pretty good, although the artist went a little overboard with the cheekbones. Someone probably said, “make sure she’s got CHEEKBONES. Big ol’ cheekbones. Then people will know who it is they’re eating,” and the artist figured that the cheekbones were what set her apart from other black women who have become cookies.

Joe Biden, sadly, could easily pass for John McCain, although his hair’s a little poofier. He might have been the back-up design, should Obama have lost. But he’s smiling, in a good mood, and apparently chewing extra-white gum.

Here’s where it starts getting odd. This is Obama with grey hair. You know, from that one time he had grey hair. Remember? You don’t? Maybe it’s Future Barack, sent to the past to warn his past self about something. Maybe it’s his mutant love child with Bill Clinton.

This is the floating head of Abe Lincoln that advised Obama through his difficult campaign. Only Obama and these bakers could see him. He’s got that look of a neighborhood toadie on his face, like he was saying something like, “Hit him again, Deke! Hit him again!” Also, one of our greatest presidents did not warrant the white teeth icing. See how far things have advanced since 1860?

Rod Blagojevich, or “Lil’ Blago” as he’s listed as on the site. Whereas Obama, the president-elect, gets only a head and shoulders and the man who freed the slaves gets a head with no teeth, this scummy politician gets an entire body. And cash!

And finally, Obama with a top hat that makes him look like Biggie Smalls. Obama isn’t known for wearing a top hat, and in fact most politicians stopped wearing them around FDR. He has it tipped at a jaunty angle though, which makes me think he’s trying for a “Mary Poppins”-esque chimney sweep thing. Or he’s starting a career singing soulful R&B ballads asserting that girl, he never gonna do you wrong.